Eyes Wide Open

A guy known as Sparkz at tzone wrote in a response to someones question about how to determine if they would be better off to transition.

"Firstly it's important to separate BODY from GENDER.

The cisgendered CONSTRUCTS of these are definitely interrelated. But the experience of these things is separate for us.

So you may identify as neither a man nor woman, but want a 'male' or 'female' body (or part male part female).

for me, transitioning to a male body is reducing my distress about my body."

I do not know how I could have missed the significance of this for so long. I know I've heard other trans people say the same thing, but it never quite made sense to me.

I suppose I couldn't understand how making the body look like it is of the opposite sex would affect how you see yourself. It always seemed sort of superficial to think that by growing breasts and hips and hair and eventually reassigning your sexual organs you were just diluding yourself into believing that you had actually become a woman.

Something happened to me though which has opened my eyes and I can see for the first time how it really does make sense. Not to long after my brother walked in on me about a month ago, I had this wave of relief just flow over me because my secret was out (albeit minorly). The concept that, I would never feel the need to lie to just that one person was so amazingly delicious and there was such a huge burden lifted off, was so strong.

Now that I've had that little taste of freedom I hunger for more. I want to tell everybody I know, and I want to start living as the person I was meant to be.

Lying causes stress and stress in large quantities or for long intervals is bad for you mentally and physically. This new desire to open myself up to the world is brought on by the knowledge that it feels good to let go of your stress and your pressures.

My body is part of that stress because I want to look how I feel. It doesn't feel right to live in a body that does not fit who I am inside, so by going on hormones and blockers and getting reassignment surgery I will be relieving the stress I have over reconsiling the desparities between my body and mind.